11.) [audio.]

[ijustlivehere]

Okay, yeah, this sucks. I'll admit it, okay? I hate that nobody ever wants to... no, y'know what? Forget people not ever wanting to do anything, people don't even hardly know I'm there unless I say something. It blows and I hate it and I'm... lonely. Okay? I said it, are you all happy now?

Comments

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

[Oh hey, it's that girl he likes. He should try not to be a jerk to her, despite the bad mood.]

Uhmm... I...

Dunno.

[Well. It was an attempt.]

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

I can bring over bourbon and chocolate ice cream. We'll make shakes.

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

[She's doing the thinking for him, and it involves her and bourbon. This sounds like a pretty sweet deal.]

That... would actually be really, really awesome.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

[Lucy is good at being bossy if you let her.]

Give me twenty minutes.

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

You got it.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

[She shows up twenty five minutes later dressed pretty casually for Lucy in a pair of shorts, a tank and wedge sandals. Her hair is pulled up in a ponytail and she's got a reusable grocery bag hanging from her shoulder. In it is the promised bourbon and three flavors of ice cream: vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.]

Lonely Busters Brigade at your service.

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

[Lucy is greeted with a hug, because that seems like the thing to do.]

Thanks. Uhmm, for coming.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

[She hugs back and then nods when he releases her.]

You're welcome. Do you have a blender?

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

Yeah, somewhere. [He wanders into the kitchen and begins digging around in cabinets.]

S-- Er, I'm not the one who usually cooks and stuff, so uh. [His tone is apologetic.]

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

[Lucy waves off the apology and starts helping him hunt for it. She comes up victorious.]

Found it!

[And it goes on the counter.] Vanilla, chocolate or strawberry ice cream?

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Think I'm feelin' strawberry right now.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

[Lucy nods, gets the bottle of bourbon out and adds a generous amount of bourbon then adds a couple of scoops of strawberry ice cream before putting the top on the blender and turning it on.]

So curse or common feeling?

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

[He leans back against the counter and sighs.] A little of both, I think.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

[Lucy nods at that as she presses one of the buttons on the blender. It's ice cream so it doesn't take long to blend it with the bourbon. While it's doing that, she opens a cabinet and finds a couple of glasses. She stops the blender, pours the mixture into the glass and slides it across the counter to Neil before she starts making one for herself.]

I spent a year here without Jill. There were days I was so lonely and missed home so much I thought I'd make myself sick. There still are, sometimes.

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

A whole year. Wow. [Neil takes a long drink and thinks that over. It's makes him feel a little guilty for complaining so much over something that's relatively small in comparison.] That's rough.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

Good? [Lucy shrugs at that. She hadn't meant to make him feel guilty. She was just trying to let him know that he wasn't alone in those feelings.] I've been here a while and now with the no pulse thing...sorta stuck here which is totally okay with me. I think lonely happens at home too, it's just more noticeable here 'cause everything is so different. [Bourbon and chocolate ice cream go into the blender and she hits the button to start hers to blending.]

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

[He nods, and raises the glass a little in emphasis before taking another drink.] Must be weird. When you talk about home, it's like... I dunno. Sounds like you had a lot going for you. [Another drink.] I was lonelier at home that I've ever been here. Well, until like, really recently, anyway.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

[Lucy thinks about that a second as she stops the blender and pours her drink in a glass. She takes a sip before she speaks.] When I came here the first time...I loved my life. I was a student at the university I wanted to go to since I was a little kid. I did kind of eh in my classes but I passed or I found someone to help me pass. My best friend lived with me and my parents were half an hour away. Then I went home again after being here several months. [This requires another drink.] Daddy died and Mom was...so far gone on xanex and mint juleps and I couldn't blame her. I decided when I came back here, I didn't ever want to go home again. I couldn't deal with that. Here I don't have to.

[She tilts her head and swirls her finger through her shake before she pulls it out and licks her finger.] Why so lonely at home?

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

[Neil listens attentively, and places a hand on her shoulder.] Wow, that's... I'm really sorry.

I never... I mean, it doesn't really matter. I guess it wasn't that bad, if I think about it.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

[She smiles at him and nods.] Yeah. Me too.

[She spontaneously adds another splash of bourbon to both of their shakes.] Bad is relative. Your bad doesn't have to measure up to someone else's bad.

[She considers something he said a bit earlier.] So is here better for you then there?

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

Yeah, here's loads better. Well, usually, anyway. [He sloshes the drink around in his glass.] Lately, it's been kinda... [He shrugs.] The same sorta stuff that made home not-so-great is kinda catching up to me here.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

So talk to me. Tell me what's going on. [She fishes a couple of straws out of the grocery bag and plops one in her drink and the other in Neil's then takes a sip of hers. She sets her glass down and levers herself on top of the counter before picking up her drink again and watching him expectantly.] This is your therapy session. We'll have mine another time with shakes and red velvet cupcakes. Probably nakedness.

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

[Neil clears his throat nervously, but that makes him smile.] Promise?

[He sips at the straw, then takes a deep breath.] Okay. I don't wanna go all... mushy on you, but. Stephen Stills, he's, well. Kinda like the brother I never had, y'know? I'm not trying to be weird. I'm only saying this because if he wasn't, if it wasn't like that, this wouldn't matter. But he's been acting weird.

[mghtbconcussed.livejournal.com]

Cross my heart. [She's glad to have gotten a smile out of him. Sadly she knows what's going on with Stephen but it's not her secret to tell.] He was home and now he's here. Sometimes it's hard to deal with that shift and everything that happened at home, bringing it all back here. He'll adjust and it'll be okay. Nothing's going to change that relationship you have with him.

[illgrowoutofit.livejournal.com]

Yeah, maybe. I just wish I didn't have to wait so long for stuff to go back to normal. [He swirls the straw around in the glass.] I mean, he was like this when I left home in the first place. And when I got here, it was like everything was fine again-- and then he leaves, comes back, and suddenly everything's just as weird as it was back back home.